. . .

Caged

I don't know what it is lately, but I feel caged. 

It's not that I'm not happy where I'm at, I'm at a great school, blessed to have two jobs, I'm so busy that I'm actually tired when it comes time to sleep, which last semester wasn't happening.  But, I feel like I don't do anything, I don't have the time or energy, and even when I do, I know I shouldn't go out when the oppurtunity arises cause I have to save the money.  I work 20 hours, in 60 hours of life, plus class, pcm, and the other 8 to 10 hours I put in on saturday's at home.  And that's if i don't add more hours on Thursday of Friday.  When I'm home, all I wanna do is go out and blow off steam and energy that I kept pent up all week, and I can't cause I got things to do, and I know that I can only for one day cause otherwise, I'll be too tired going into the week.

Every one says you're supposed to enjoy the time in college, well I'm not.  Not this semester at least, I mean I love being busy I need it. but I'm not enjoying this, when I think ahead though, and I think about what I'm going to be doing, where I should be, and the results of my work now that's exciting, but sometimes I wonder if I couldn't have the same results doing something else. . . I know God's calling me to something, and I have a good idea what it is, I just wish it wasn't this route to get me there sometimes. . .IDK I think I'm insane.  I know life is going to be hard, I know that it's going to haveb it's down times and it's up times, but I see people enjoying their lives now, maybe they won't in the future, maybe all this crap will come up to bite them in the butt, but if not then, it was worth it. 

I was told that I could very well be thinking these things, and going through this b/c the enemy doens't want me to succeed.  If that's true then I have to win, but what if it's not from him? what if it's the other way around and he wants me to stay so i can mess up worse down the road? idk. 

For now though, I'm going with the fact that God put me here, so I'm going to make the best of it.   I got things to change that can help me grow closer to him so I should start there.  I feel caged though, I'm still deciding if being Caged is an act of God or not however.

Thoughts would be appreciated. 

if you think of my medicre problems, lol, pray for me, Guidance, wisdom, energy and strength.

Wow, I havent been on this thing in forever.

O well, so yea still thinking about all the craziness that's ensuing in my life.  I'm at my second college in Two years, working really hard at school right now.  I'm working two jobs, about 20 hours aw eek doing security on campus, and another 8 to 10 on saturday's serving at the LoneStar still.  Right now my job on campus is boring, I'm siting at a desk checking ID's when nostudents are on campus.  So its boring but i still like the job. 

I'm still, as always, confused on the whole love thing, and who it is that I love.  I mean dana is amazing, awesome, and way too good for me, in my opinion at least bu tnot hers, yet i often feel like there's nothign there. I don't get all excited when she calls, or when i see her, It's normal  and I don't like that. I feel like it should be an adventure everyday, that I should get butterflies when I talk to her and things like that.  IDK I think im crazy, and That's just how it is. 

God is good! Sooo Good to me.   It's great!  I'm still debating if I should work fulltime this summer here on campus and at home, or if I should go back to camp, I loved it up there. It was amazing! I wish i could live there, yet I think that if I go I'll leave dana again, and I've decided that if I leave her again I'm not going to get back together with her because I'm tired of hurting her, tired of hurting me.  And I believe I'd be kicking a dead horse.  IDK i could very well be completely crazy.  O well, God will lead me where he wants me.  I'm okay with that.

Bryce

So yes, im still not sure about where ill be for school next year, i want to play football at concordia so thats probably the way to go.  im gettin kind aggravated at my biblical interpretation teacher.  She has yet to teach us how to interpret the bible, the books we are reading are a great help, but she does nothing.  I asked her today about discourse analasys and she said that due to the fact that the english bible is only gettin the idea accross, our college doesnt teach it because its not complete.  That in order for me to do a good discourse analsys i need to take greek, i understand that greek is great to learn, and we can take soo much more out of the word with that, bu still we can still interpret the bible out of english.  in fact she has only ever given us the same details about every type of book we look at, she never helps us interpret she just tells us to figure out the historical context and how its written, then we move on.  thats it, its like we jsut glance at it and move on.  the class should be amazing, but its soo hard to get into it because she never expands on anything, its almost like shes scared we might get confused. thats the idea right, for us to read and interpret ourselves, and then rbing it to the class and talk about it, she knows far more about the bible than i do, but she never lets us bring our ideas, our interpretations.  our theology today is based on people that have come forward and arugued to their points, and it seems like everyeone has stopped looking into the basis for the theology and never look into what it could mean besides what we've been taught.  at the same time i hate the details, how about the church finally get the picture, bring people to christ, teach them to love, teach them to share christ, end story.  why do we need to arugue about all the details all the time.  especially when they could make a seeker run from the church instead of into the church.  o well, my venting is done.  im going to watch highlights from the NFL this week.

So yea im abotu a quarter of the way to semester, which im looking forward to.  im changing my major from youth ministry to excersise science, something i think fits me better.  i can do personal training, and then do coaching, and nutrition, and other things.  its kinda cool.  but, the question is does this aslo involve a change in schools? i might be looking to some back home, maybe taking some classes at moraine, tho id have to take a semester to save to afford it, or maybe trinity, or something else close to where i can stay at home and save some money.  so yea.  i havnt been able to find a job yet, which sucks, but a big reason is because the only places that are highering are at 28th street, a couple miles away, so im buying a car.  well my paretns are fronting me the cash, and then i have to pay them back.  im excited tho, its a 1991 lexus es 250, fivespeed manual.  its freaking sweet.  so hopefully this will help me to get a job.  im applying mainly for server/bartender jobs, but ill take what i can get.  yup. . . other than that, im still confsued about some poeple wink wink but w/e ill work through it.  but God is amazing, i was freaking out a while ago about what he wants me to do, and well while i was working out, i decided to run to the dunes by me and just listen to some music, while there i realized, through much proding, that it doesnt matter what i do, that i should do what i love because God will do his work through me no matter what.  yea im not playhing football, and no im not in the military, dang health crap, but ya know, i can coach, i know football pretty well, more than some people.  and i love it soo much, maybe even one day ill play again, who knows maybe invincible will become real life again? o well i can dream cant i?

O BTW Shawn McDonald is amazing,